I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Enjoy the penises
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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