well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
