You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
