How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
