She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
