That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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