Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
