i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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