I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
