Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
