you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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