Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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