exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
