I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
