May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
