i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
