just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
