It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
