I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's blow job season.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
His nipple licking is glorious
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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