Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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