My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
