omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
