I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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