maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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