btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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