paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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