I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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