I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Life is so much better after having sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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