just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
