I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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