Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
