Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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