So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
