he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
