you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
