I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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