why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
