My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
