Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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