it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
