I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
