Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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