waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
