If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
