dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
