What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
