Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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