I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
