so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
