the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
