I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
