So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
