He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize