words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
