Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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