This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
