Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
