my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have fence marks all over my body
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
