No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think my moral compass just broke
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