I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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