Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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