never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
