So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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