What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
