He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
