he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
