im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
